Good morning, I thought this would be an enjoyable time to start my blog. To be honest, navigating here is a bit tougher than I thought but I am trying my best. My goal is to create a forum for fathers who have become parents after they have reached their 50's, where we can be open and honest about the pros and cons, talk about how to navigate the future for them and yourself, and deal with the emotional rollercoaster.
I am born 3/26/1968 and I am 57 years old. I am currently divorced and have a 30-year-old son who lives in NH. In August 2023, I was having issues with my then marriage. My wife at the time was having issues with drinking and we were having issues with intimacy at the time which had been going on for a while. She was attending AA and unfortunately had a relapse which I came home too. Less than 24 hours later, she had a bag packed and had decided to move back home with her children. This all through me for a loop of course and my initial reaction was to of course get high and drunk, which was my usual go too. One evening, while having waaaaaay too much, I invited a younger girl I worked with over. I knew that she had wanted me for a while, but nothing ever happened because I was married. I just wanted to feel good for a change after feeling so awful for months and one thing led to another. As I mentioned before, I was very intoxicated and when I attempted to put on protection, I realized later that I had out it on inside out which caused the condom to come off during sex. We both noticed it afterwards and I recall saying, " oh I am sure nothing will happen" like an idiot. Nearly 5 weeks later, I got a text from her with a picture of a positive pregnancy test. I won't lie, my initial reaction was to ask if she was going to have an abortion. I was 56 at the time and she was 39 and I felt that was too late in life to start a family. She was opposed to it and was hoping to have a girl. This immediately caused a huge rift between us, and she decided she was going to have the baby regardless of whether I was involved or not.
I have to tell you; I was very torn at this time. All children are a blessing but why now? How would I handle doing this so late in life? The cost and the time, could I handle them? How is my son going to react and how will he view me? Will he judge me poorly? All of these thoughts, plus many others, were running through my mind and I refused to come to terms with it which caused her to hate me. This went on for a few months and during this time, I started to feel physically and mentally stressed. I knew I was upset about the situation but what bothered me the most is how I was behaving so poorly to everything. I could hear my mother’s voice saying “Michael, get off your behind and be a father to that child. That’s your child, so it’s your responsibility”. Once I realized what I needed to do, I immediately reached out to her to
My Heart